This came up in conversation recently and I realized I had no good answer. Public first meetings are non-negotiable. Coffee shop, bar, anywhere visible.
The bear and daddy subculture has strong dedicated apps the mainstream platforms can't match. For older gay men, niche apps designed for the 40+ community tend to work better.
Basic precautions I follow:
- Blackmail starts with compromising content — be thoughtful about what you share.
- Video call before you meet — fastest way to confirm someone is who they claim to be.
- Platforms with active moderation and real reporting tools are worth prioritizing.