Been lurking a while but I want a straight answer on the most popular platforms.
Nothing about the most popular platforms improved for me until I stopped optimising and started replying faster. Niche apps for specific subcultures within the gay community have become very active.
Safety and discretion features on modern gay apps are much more sophisticated than before. Nobody gets the most popular platforms right first time and the people who claim otherwise are lying.
Basic precautions I follow:
For anything in the the most popular platforms bracket, video call before you meet, no exceptions.
Being blunt about what you want cuts the the most popular platforms timeline in half.
A VPN helps with general privacy but is not a complete solution for anonymity.